i have seen your kingdom coming

oh abba daddy,

pastor dever had words from your heart on his tongue today. he reminded us gently, that you, abba, choose our sorrow and sufferings carefully. you've done just that, all my life, haven't you?
you are gentle-fingered with me. so kind. and now i see how my hurts and every single tear. every night of curling into a ball on top of this quilt. every time i felt my chest want to collapse or explode from an internal pain. it all. you chose each moment with care for my soul, and i love you for it.

and then he painted this brilliant picture of redemption. this is worth it because of that day coming. and i will cling to this hope until my nails are bloody and ripped. i will hang on this promise, that your kingdom will come. it comes through your church here. it comes through me, your bride. and i've seen it.

so, let's be real. good gosh i'm glad you understand my thoughts and mind because i barely do. so you know me. you know how i doubt you at every moment, in a "is this even.possible?" kind of way. i hang on to this coming redemption but sigh inwardly. is this a fantasy that i have bought into, along with millions of other self-deluded but well-intentioned idiots? are you really king, and is your kingdom really coming?

oh, and in those moments you open my eyes. open my memories of souls changed in a dirty, primitive camp in the ural mountains. of hearts touched by your spirit in far-away siberia. i see the babies in rural nicarauga. and their parents there who met you for the first time as we loved on their physical and spiritual selves. i've seen you in california, in the eyes of believers there. i've seen you save souls in pennsylvania. and washington dc. and alabama. and myrtle beach. in those brief moments i watch and became part of thy kingdom come.

and the redemption part is that one day, all will be made new. all these hearts you're wooing now. that's my point. to make you look great to the world, so they too, may experience an ultimate redemption.

i can barely wait!

love, daughter