arrow
my mind is usually a muddle right before i fall asleep. but the other night in the middle of my half-asleep fog came a very real image.
i feel exactly like an arrow pulled back, taut against the string and bow. not yet released from the bow, but full of--what do they call it, potential energy? potential. and that's what describes this image. not flung out, not yet. but quite on the verge of a very great leap. maybe what i'm moving towards won't look on the outside like anything dramatic, but i believe that what is coming will shape and make me in a way that nothing i've been through so far has done.
on may 22nd, i'll go back to myrtle beach. again. i'll lead a group of three girls, probably rising sophomores. i'll be responsible for them. spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
of course i haven't forgotten how last summer was just plain hard. i constantly felt drained in each of those ways and my only refuel was to get alone--i was desperate to be alone. to sit and be still and see green. but this summer, it won't be about me anymore, and that scares me, more than alot.
and then in august, i'll return to school three weeks ahead of my friends. i'll come to learn how to proctor a floor of sixty freshman. to care for sixty babies. except they aren't really innocent enough to call them that. they'll come excited to finally be free, to live in one of the craziest dorms in america, to party, and to figure out a little more life. i foresee e-merges and suicide attempts and fights over cleanliness and weed busts and kids struggling to come out. so my junior year will be this, caring for a hall of little freshman. ohMAN. i am so excited.
service. i hope that word might sum up my next year. i desperately hope so. because god has seen what i've wanted for so long, and he's answering the prayers of the people who have throughout my life have asked god to prepare for radical service to the lord. so here i am. and my heart's deepest desire is lord, use me! and i know he's is so going to. and i smile as i see those words realized. i smile at god's clever and wise and difficult but beautiful designs. perfect in my life. he has come after me relentlessly. he has chased me down over and again and he has never let me stray too far away. he has sent me hard things and good things and easy things and lesson after lesson; teacher after teacher. every good blessing is from above, he says. and then he made me understand that all his gifts are good. all he does is good.
so here i am, feeling full and expectant. not really prepared, but no one ever is.
i feel exactly like an arrow pulled back, taut against the string and bow. not yet released from the bow, but full of--what do they call it, potential energy? potential. and that's what describes this image. not flung out, not yet. but quite on the verge of a very great leap. maybe what i'm moving towards won't look on the outside like anything dramatic, but i believe that what is coming will shape and make me in a way that nothing i've been through so far has done.
on may 22nd, i'll go back to myrtle beach. again. i'll lead a group of three girls, probably rising sophomores. i'll be responsible for them. spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
of course i haven't forgotten how last summer was just plain hard. i constantly felt drained in each of those ways and my only refuel was to get alone--i was desperate to be alone. to sit and be still and see green. but this summer, it won't be about me anymore, and that scares me, more than alot.
and then in august, i'll return to school three weeks ahead of my friends. i'll come to learn how to proctor a floor of sixty freshman. to care for sixty babies. except they aren't really innocent enough to call them that. they'll come excited to finally be free, to live in one of the craziest dorms in america, to party, and to figure out a little more life. i foresee e-merges and suicide attempts and fights over cleanliness and weed busts and kids struggling to come out. so my junior year will be this, caring for a hall of little freshman. ohMAN. i am so excited.
service. i hope that word might sum up my next year. i desperately hope so. because god has seen what i've wanted for so long, and he's answering the prayers of the people who have throughout my life have asked god to prepare for radical service to the lord. so here i am. and my heart's deepest desire is lord, use me! and i know he's is so going to. and i smile as i see those words realized. i smile at god's clever and wise and difficult but beautiful designs. perfect in my life. he has come after me relentlessly. he has chased me down over and again and he has never let me stray too far away. he has sent me hard things and good things and easy things and lesson after lesson; teacher after teacher. every good blessing is from above, he says. and then he made me understand that all his gifts are good. all he does is good.
so here i am, feeling full and expectant. not really prepared, but no one ever is.
You have so much potential energy; keep feeling full and expectant. For it is good to wait upon the Lord. :)
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