learning how to listen
I am learning that a lot of counseling is listening: silently, patiently, openly, intently. A sweet friend asked recently to meet up to “ask me some questions,” but it was actually about an hour of her talking and at the very end saying, “so do you have any advice for that?” to her conclusion that she just wants the pain she feels to end.
Often, it is not advice that we long for, but to be heard.
I felt the deep privilege it is to sit and listen for an hour to someone who is hurting, who hates the waiting and the pain, who feels as though God tires of listening to her burdens, who feels as though God gets disgusted by how often she sins. It is a great privilege to give a fellow believer a glimpse of the God who sits with us in our pain, who hears our every cry, who does not tire of listening to our heart desires, and who comforts us by his presence. It is a privilege to TELL her that God is not disgusted by her or tired of her or ready to cast her aside, and to MODEL that by my own physical presence and hopefully patient listening. “Who is God to you in all of this,” I asked. “How do you feel that God sees you right now?” These were about the only question I needed to ask to break the dam, to reveal the heart. She knows truth and is really good at reminding herself that she knows it. I gently shared with her, though, how intellectual knowledge is not what transforms our lives. Our hearts are changed by the things we love. God’s love must penetrate our affections and hearts, not be mere knowledge we ascent to. I pray today that this sweet friend experiences the heart knowledge of God’s ever-present help in time of need and the weighty significance he places on our suffering as he uses it to make us into his image and grow our hope in him (Rom. 5).
Often, it is not advice that we long for, but to be heard.
I felt the deep privilege it is to sit and listen for an hour to someone who is hurting, who hates the waiting and the pain, who feels as though God tires of listening to her burdens, who feels as though God gets disgusted by how often she sins. It is a great privilege to give a fellow believer a glimpse of the God who sits with us in our pain, who hears our every cry, who does not tire of listening to our heart desires, and who comforts us by his presence. It is a privilege to TELL her that God is not disgusted by her or tired of her or ready to cast her aside, and to MODEL that by my own physical presence and hopefully patient listening. “Who is God to you in all of this,” I asked. “How do you feel that God sees you right now?” These were about the only question I needed to ask to break the dam, to reveal the heart. She knows truth and is really good at reminding herself that she knows it. I gently shared with her, though, how intellectual knowledge is not what transforms our lives. Our hearts are changed by the things we love. God’s love must penetrate our affections and hearts, not be mere knowledge we ascent to. I pray today that this sweet friend experiences the heart knowledge of God’s ever-present help in time of need and the weighty significance he places on our suffering as he uses it to make us into his image and grow our hope in him (Rom. 5).
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