The truth about this summer
I'm leaving the states tomorrow. This is my last morning like this for a long, long time.
I feel an expected mix of emotions, primarily a good bit of anxiety and nervousness about all of the unknowns and the discomfort: physical pain, being lonely, being unknown, not having any space to be alone, feeling overwhelmed or incompetent at the language, and so on. Of course I also feel excited and ready, as if this is what I have been waiting on for so long. The deepest sense of security comes from recognizing that I in no way am actually making this journey alone or taking on this summer by myself. I have an advocate and protector and dearest friend and trusted One who is so close at every second. I pray that when it hurts to feel disconnected from every person I've spent my past 21 years knowing, I will experience a new intimacy with Christ fueled my my actual desperation for him that is always present but is often overlooked. I pray for boldness too, to be unaffected or unrestrained by the collection of fears I can so quickly amass. I don't need a closet full of worries and I have lived and experienced freedom from anxiety; I know how simple and beautiful it is to walk in trust, rather than disbelief and crippling fear.
The truth for today is that yes, I face so much uncertainty in the coming months, but the most important things are firmly and concretely certain. The maker of heaven and earth loves me the same way he loves his beloved Son, Christ Jesus. This Son became humbled and broken so that I could be brought near again in adoption to my Father. Every gift and blessing and promise has its yes and Amen in Jesus. God's greatest desire is his own glory, and my good is intrinsically wrapped up in his glory. This loving Lord leads me at every moment to find my joy in him as I live to make him look as glorious as he is. He sustains, gives life, provides, leads, loves, and forgives me. I can pray to him about every single thought worthy of crossing my mind, and he loves to hear me pour those desperate needs before him.
His glory is that the nations rejoice before him and bow before his son. My good is in giving up my energy, health, time, money, and life in order for all peoples to find their joy in Jesus. I find joy here, more than anywhere else. And when I stand weak and helpless and yet he gives me grace to speak his name in praise, he looks good.
I feel an expected mix of emotions, primarily a good bit of anxiety and nervousness about all of the unknowns and the discomfort: physical pain, being lonely, being unknown, not having any space to be alone, feeling overwhelmed or incompetent at the language, and so on. Of course I also feel excited and ready, as if this is what I have been waiting on for so long. The deepest sense of security comes from recognizing that I in no way am actually making this journey alone or taking on this summer by myself. I have an advocate and protector and dearest friend and trusted One who is so close at every second. I pray that when it hurts to feel disconnected from every person I've spent my past 21 years knowing, I will experience a new intimacy with Christ fueled my my actual desperation for him that is always present but is often overlooked. I pray for boldness too, to be unaffected or unrestrained by the collection of fears I can so quickly amass. I don't need a closet full of worries and I have lived and experienced freedom from anxiety; I know how simple and beautiful it is to walk in trust, rather than disbelief and crippling fear.
The truth for today is that yes, I face so much uncertainty in the coming months, but the most important things are firmly and concretely certain. The maker of heaven and earth loves me the same way he loves his beloved Son, Christ Jesus. This Son became humbled and broken so that I could be brought near again in adoption to my Father. Every gift and blessing and promise has its yes and Amen in Jesus. God's greatest desire is his own glory, and my good is intrinsically wrapped up in his glory. This loving Lord leads me at every moment to find my joy in him as I live to make him look as glorious as he is. He sustains, gives life, provides, leads, loves, and forgives me. I can pray to him about every single thought worthy of crossing my mind, and he loves to hear me pour those desperate needs before him.
His glory is that the nations rejoice before him and bow before his son. My good is in giving up my energy, health, time, money, and life in order for all peoples to find their joy in Jesus. I find joy here, more than anywhere else. And when I stand weak and helpless and yet he gives me grace to speak his name in praise, he looks good.
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