urge to remember

late last april, my black moleskin was stolen.

in a way, i lost my entire freshman year.

i long to flip through those pages; to live again those innocent, shaky moments. i want to read the things i was thinking about last october, but i can't.

but since the purchase of red moleskin #1 in may, i've had an insatiable desire to record, record, record. record what i've been seeing, hearing, thinking, saying, feeling, believing, hating, loving. the living.

i'm already halfway through red moleskin #2.

this time is shaping me and transforming me in such a way i can't bear to one day forget about it. one day i'll look back and i'll see the baby steps of growth that took place through these days and years--growth i'm too close to now to acknowledge.

my memory will fail me, but god's goodness is stamped all over those pages for good.