fragile bones

more than anything, it all feels very fragile.

i cannot- i must not, do the thinking.

i can not allow myself to look or imagine or question or hurt.

i swallow as i walk past the green lot behind my building, the area that always triggers.

i walk on, and will my thoughts do the same.

i am too fragile to mull over it yet. so fragile and maybe if i do let myself go there, i will crumble and collapse and i have neither the time not the energy to go through that.

so i say i don't care. and i couldn't quite tell you whether that is true or not. it feels true, so i go with it. i can live and breathe like this, and worrying about what i'm living without wouldn't change a thing anyway.

so i force myself to move forward.

i can't say this is healthy, but its a hell of a lot easier to do than walk into the arms of grief and lie there.