On ending 2016 and who we want to become

Here we are standing at the close of another year, my twenty-fifth year of life, and first full married one. The year was a swirl of growth, of learning, of practicing quiet faithfulness, of tears and prayers, of joy and stability. We end the year with more answers and yet more questions still.

We question ourselves, Where do we want to live? But we are really asking, Who do we want to become? We ask, Where should I finish seminary? But we are really asking, How do we truly care best for the souls of others? We ask, How many kids? But we wonder, What strength will God give? and What can we handle? What are we made for? We ask, How long at this church? But we are asking, Are we wrong to have the desires for place and belonging that we have, and is it possible to plant those roots here? 
On and on the questions go... How long in DC? Hopping around overseas? Is it unhelpful or unstrategic to live in a cultural Christian place? How do we cultivate deeper community? How do we get to know our neighbors? How do we contribute to injustice in our country and what to we do about it? How and where to plant our roots? How to educate our children? How to live evangelistically and missionally while protecting our own faith and family? 

We watch and read and discuss race and justice, the mass incarceration of Black men and the systemic violence against Black Americans, privilege and local politics, the church as a family and children's presence (or lack thereof) in the Church, family and extended family, politics and the evangelical embracing of a morally corrupt and despicable man as the savior and protector of moral values, white supremism and white nationalism, the industrialization of agriculture, sexual abuse exposed.

These are just a few of the weighty issues we have felt and learned and wrestled with in this year. We have felt the brokenness and unraveling of this world, of the very creation groaning in the pains of childbirth and waiting for its redemption, more than ever before. We are learning more about what is wrong with the world and what God invites us to do in partnering in his plan of redemption. We pray for wisdom and strength to respond in faith.

Our home has been a refuge, but how I long for it to be so more and more. Last night, we made cookies and delivered them to the people who spend their lives a few dozen feet from us but who peeked out their windows suspiciously at us, with no idea of who we were. So we mourn and work and pray and trust. Asking and hoping and believing.