year two thousand and twelve

maybe it was the best year of my life

so far, anyway. 

it only keeps getting better.

winter break was restorative. it started out depressed, and i was wanting what i could not have. but national conference in chattanooga was a waterfall over my hungry soul. there was a lot of revelation, being asked back--and being moved to say yes--to project, and a newer and deeper understanding of the gospel. we don't please God by trying harder. we fight sin by pouring our energy into simply loving him. a passionate love for Christ will take care of all of our struggles, as he sanctifies us in his timing. the family time was so sweet, too. on emily's birthday, we celebrated at 3704 and went around the long dining room table sharing our hopes and dreams for the coming year. spending time in birmingham was awesome too. church all together and the blessing of every family member home.

coming back to school was exciting because i felt completely surrounded by people who were just as passionate about the Kingdom as myself. we talked about Jesus all the time and for maybe the first time, i began to feel fully at home in that little room on 2109 F street. tim left gw, and that was so hard, but i grew closer with em, owen, sara, and kelly. "I really believe God is doing a big thing here... thinking through building my foundation, being rooted and grounded here. God can do so much in me this semester. he's going to. i feel undistracted. God is my desire, the One thing i long for." 1/31

healing came and grew out of an abundant joy in Jesus and i started saving my Friday mornings for starbucks and Jesus. we went hiking, and to winter blast, and i saw God doing big things in Max and Katrina and our community and the freshman bible study i was helping with and Sara and in our accountability monday night dinners that allowed us to share and welcome truth into our lives, i wrote that, "I really believe I'll look back on this as one of the happiest periods of my life...i told emily this is maybe the closest to God i've ever been. He is so faithful!"

march was stretching but i grew and learned alot. em and katie came to town and together, we entered anacostia. in broken lives and a broken but vibrant and loving neighborhood, i became convicted of the widespread, institutionalized nature of the educational, moral, and poverty crises in this city. alot of what i saw broke my heart, but other parts restored in me a sense of hope and the necessity of really seeing and being aware of your surroundings. the way they acknowledged my presence was enough. i was loved and katie experienced healing and emily and i grew closer than ever.

spring came and i continually fell more in love with God. "2012 is the year my doubts were forced away by the power of your glory. i found i could not stare at your face and then go lay in bed with my fears that you weren't real." 4/27

i was home for a very short time and the 5 went camping at mount cheaha, ragan and ross's wedding, family time, and then it was off to beach project. what a summer. mcdonalds, 3 women who needed a lot of loving and loving in 3 distinct ways, and wonderful team leader, and wonderful friends. i felt intensely focused and wrapped up in being right where i was. it was hard. so hard. but i loved the ways it challenged and grew me as i stepped by faith and saw god work despite my failures. malcolm and julie got married and we danced until we could barely walk.

afterwards, it was to the camp and then camping with some of my now-best friends. the room of grace came about as our collective name from a book we read outloud together, The Cure. waterfalls and rope swings and long swims and longer talks and ben howard and starry nights in canoes and hammocks and fires and serving one another and knowing honest love.

i wasn't home for long enough before i had to duck out of family date night and head north again. august 7 i met my new family- team mclove. house staff training- 3 weeks of chill time in my new place before school started.

on august 28th, i met a horde of baby residents. the new semester was filled to the brim with residents all over my life, my dear friends, writing center work, schoolwork, and house staff duties. dgroup, discover, evangelistic events, leaders meetings, freshman bstud. i went to deleware with beka and catherine, the camp for a rog reunion, chicago, and the camp for thanksgiving.

17 credits was alot and in october, i cut my work back to 5 hours a week because i realized i wasn't getting the time i wanted to do the things hat were most important to me. my days and weeks were full to the brim but i was in the habit of daily prayer and the word and it changed me gradually and steadily. God was faithful and baby step by babsytep increased my trust in His power. hospitality was a theme too, tea cups spread out all over my counter meaning a great night. freshman bible study was humbling but incredible. i got to watch God open eyes and lives start to change. grew much closer with kristin and sara and felt constatly encouraged and loved by them.

the semester is over now, and i have the better part of a week to relax and catch up after everything before i go home, come back for conference, and return home with owen to talk to dad.

2012. so beautiful.

2012 meant more camping in that yellow hammock, more bonfires, deeper and more life-altering relationships, more of Jesus, more healing, more trust, less emotionalism, less fear and sadness, greater and more consistant joy than i've ever known, more emotional and spiritual health, hard work, countless nights on the 4th floor of gelman, paper after paper, faced challenges, less anxiety, more giving out, learning how to lead, learning what matters and what does not. irene died, i learned how to be a roomleader and RA, i worked at mcdonalds, moved on, bought a new camera, journeled a ton, made incredible friends, matured so much, spent an entire year alongside josiah, experienced a loving black catholic church, helped teach a 2nd grade inner-city class, tutored hundreds of students in writing, dealt with sexual assault and emotional wounds, faced conflicted, trusted others, said yes, served countless cups of tea, listened, learned how to ask good questions, considered counseling, became a senior in college, sort of mastered russian, drove many miles between dc and the carolinas and alabama, released rights and grew more accepting of commitment.