where i was a year ago
just read this email i sent to a friend last september. god is gracious.
..."what i has been on my mind (close to) the most lately, is the "problem of pain." (not just the book by cs lewis, which i recently read and learned alot from) but this whole thing we call suffering. this past year, god has just brought me along through various stages of pain and suffering and in so many different ways taught me so, so much.
anyway, i've read some on the subject (one thousand gifts by anne voskamp has been incredibly influential in my learning) and then wrestled a lot with god within specific situations of hurt. over and over, i have felt him display more and more of his sovereign hand in every single circumstance in my life, and even in that, the way that he directs ALL these events FOR MY GOOD.
my entire life exists to glorify god by finding more and more delight and enjoyment in him.
in that, i find rest in his plan for me, because i know all he wants is my GOOD, so why would i doubt his leading hand?
anyway i feel like those two sentences above kinda sum up the majority of what has been re-taught over and over again to me this year.
but i'm also wrestling with things like, who "plans" for X to happen? i may view it as a "bad" thing to happen to me, but i know god designs ALL for good. so i know it's not, in god's eyes, a "bad" thing, (since alll his gifts are good gifts) but what about evil?
i know god doesn't delight in evil, or in me hurting.
yet, he leads me through both...
i could go on and on. i need someone much wiser than myself to wrestle through these thoughts and questions with.
just to be honest, i am right now in the middle of so so much pain. so all these questions and "theories" i am not intersted in asking in an academic sense, but in a i-am-desperate-for some solid, real, granite truth to walk on and lead me faithfully through all this hurt.
this may not make any sense at all. its 1:30am and i'm tired, but even today, i have had so many swirling thoughts in my head about the use of suffering in god's plan.
i woke up wanting to just give up, and do whatever it took to avoid this pain, but after alot of encouragement, doing some reading, listeing to some sermons, and alot of prayer, i am almost exicted again, about this thing called suffering, because i really do believe it will "become my servant for joy."- tim keller."
..."what i has been on my mind (close to) the most lately, is the "problem of pain." (not just the book by cs lewis, which i recently read and learned alot from) but this whole thing we call suffering. this past year, god has just brought me along through various stages of pain and suffering and in so many different ways taught me so, so much.
anyway, i've read some on the subject (one thousand gifts by anne voskamp has been incredibly influential in my learning) and then wrestled a lot with god within specific situations of hurt. over and over, i have felt him display more and more of his sovereign hand in every single circumstance in my life, and even in that, the way that he directs ALL these events FOR MY GOOD.
my entire life exists to glorify god by finding more and more delight and enjoyment in him.
in that, i find rest in his plan for me, because i know all he wants is my GOOD, so why would i doubt his leading hand?
anyway i feel like those two sentences above kinda sum up the majority of what has been re-taught over and over again to me this year.
but i'm also wrestling with things like, who "plans" for X to happen? i may view it as a "bad" thing to happen to me, but i know god designs ALL for good. so i know it's not, in god's eyes, a "bad" thing, (since alll his gifts are good gifts) but what about evil?
i know god doesn't delight in evil, or in me hurting.
yet, he leads me through both...
i could go on and on. i need someone much wiser than myself to wrestle through these thoughts and questions with.
just to be honest, i am right now in the middle of so so much pain. so all these questions and "theories" i am not intersted in asking in an academic sense, but in a i-am-desperate-for some solid, real, granite truth to walk on and lead me faithfully through all this hurt.
this may not make any sense at all. its 1:30am and i'm tired, but even today, i have had so many swirling thoughts in my head about the use of suffering in god's plan.
i woke up wanting to just give up, and do whatever it took to avoid this pain, but after alot of encouragement, doing some reading, listeing to some sermons, and alot of prayer, i am almost exicted again, about this thing called suffering, because i really do believe it will "become my servant for joy."- tim keller."
my entire life is a journey upwards into greater joy-- into a deeper and more consistant understanding of god Himself. and when i see him, i shall be like him.
amen.
Don't you love those growth moments? And your joy just keeps going and going and going! For eternity, too ;D
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