joy: being alive in christ
the feeling in my chest.
over near the left upper side, my heart is pumping, churning, and sending blood through my body. this morning, it burns. but burn doesn't truly convey the way it feels. i just use the word burn to attempt to describe the deep emotion, the bursting joy that seems to originate from the left side of my chest. but it isn't quite a burn, isn't quite a weight. it is more just very presently THERE. it is alive and it is telling my entire being of just how alive it is. i can feel it. even though i cannot describe exactly what i feel, i just know that the joy that fills me is one of the sweetest gifts in the whole world. this is my friday-morning alive-ness. born out of the best hour of my week spent in the scriptures and the valley of vision and pouring out my heart onto the pages of my modge-podged moleskin journal. i am alive and i see it; know it for sure.
last night, my dear friend kristen said during d-group how encouraged she had been by me lately because of the work of the spirit she has witnessed in my heart over this year. she said that sometimes when i open my mouth, she just hears the spirit speaking. that message, those words, were exactly what the night before i had prayed to be true of me. a different friend had just encouraged me by saying how he'd heard really good things about my life lately from different people. he said he was proud of me and encouraged by me. i laid in bed after that really and truly wanting nothing but god to be made famous through me. if you see growth or good words or a kind heart in me, you are not seeing me! you see the Holy Spirit! have i mentioned that i am his temple? my body is his. he's all over my heart words actions. my love. so to have the very next day that encouragement from kristen, that the spirit IS evident, is showing up, is coming out of me-- that was the most incredible blessing i could possibly receive. to know that my greatest desire--god's glory--is being in some small way realized through my life. that is all that i want.
so this morning as i dwelled actively with my jesus and his words dwelled in me, i was absolutely humbled as i thought back to kristen's words. the holy spirit really is living in me? really is making my so very broken self his earthly home? that is a miracle. a miracle that i do not deserve. its not me, its not my devotion, not my humility, not my works, not my trying-really-hard. no way. i don't have it in me. its all coming from outside me, and that drives me to humility, and pushes me towards JOY.
so this morning i'm sitting in the back cubicle of the writing center, just wanting to tell someone how incredibly joyful i am right now. god is good! he loves me! he LOVES ME! and the joy in my chest is exploding out and over and over i remember: he is all i need. i am satisfied. i am filled, so full i overflow.
over near the left upper side, my heart is pumping, churning, and sending blood through my body. this morning, it burns. but burn doesn't truly convey the way it feels. i just use the word burn to attempt to describe the deep emotion, the bursting joy that seems to originate from the left side of my chest. but it isn't quite a burn, isn't quite a weight. it is more just very presently THERE. it is alive and it is telling my entire being of just how alive it is. i can feel it. even though i cannot describe exactly what i feel, i just know that the joy that fills me is one of the sweetest gifts in the whole world. this is my friday-morning alive-ness. born out of the best hour of my week spent in the scriptures and the valley of vision and pouring out my heart onto the pages of my modge-podged moleskin journal. i am alive and i see it; know it for sure.
last night, my dear friend kristen said during d-group how encouraged she had been by me lately because of the work of the spirit she has witnessed in my heart over this year. she said that sometimes when i open my mouth, she just hears the spirit speaking. that message, those words, were exactly what the night before i had prayed to be true of me. a different friend had just encouraged me by saying how he'd heard really good things about my life lately from different people. he said he was proud of me and encouraged by me. i laid in bed after that really and truly wanting nothing but god to be made famous through me. if you see growth or good words or a kind heart in me, you are not seeing me! you see the Holy Spirit! have i mentioned that i am his temple? my body is his. he's all over my heart words actions. my love. so to have the very next day that encouragement from kristen, that the spirit IS evident, is showing up, is coming out of me-- that was the most incredible blessing i could possibly receive. to know that my greatest desire--god's glory--is being in some small way realized through my life. that is all that i want.
so this morning as i dwelled actively with my jesus and his words dwelled in me, i was absolutely humbled as i thought back to kristen's words. the holy spirit really is living in me? really is making my so very broken self his earthly home? that is a miracle. a miracle that i do not deserve. its not me, its not my devotion, not my humility, not my works, not my trying-really-hard. no way. i don't have it in me. its all coming from outside me, and that drives me to humility, and pushes me towards JOY.
so this morning i'm sitting in the back cubicle of the writing center, just wanting to tell someone how incredibly joyful i am right now. god is good! he loves me! he LOVES ME! and the joy in my chest is exploding out and over and over i remember: he is all i need. i am satisfied. i am filled, so full i overflow.
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