half-gone but i have to write

4/5/2012 1:03am; bed.

i am so completely tired. exhausted. i always realize its time to leave gelman and crawl into bed when i find myself sluggishly standing up and shoving books and cords into my backpack. oh, okay. i guess i cant handle being awake anymore. i just about cant. and is it even the sleep thing, i wonder? this is more of a total inability to really focus or care about not focusing. the fear; the weigh of the this-is-due-tomorrow overwhelms me to point where all i can do is stare at the worn desk, struggling not to lose it and fall apart right then and there. 

it feels like a long time since i rested. too many 4 and 5 hour sleep nights in a row. must get through one more 6am awakening and then, then, tomorrow night i promise myself to go to bed around 9pm. and everything will sort it self out. i have all weekend. 

spiritually and emotionally (give me) and physically and mentally. all of it is so empty. turned off.

heres to 5 hours of sleep. god please double my rest and wake me up alive again. thank you.