certainty

today broke over me like healing.
the cappuccino and pain au chocolat--which i always translate to english because fear if i try to pronounce it in french i will butcher that beautiful language--helped too. the gaping hole of the unknown is filled today, i realized, with the certainty of god's good will. what will be, will be. i breathed it in, over and over, wrapping myself in its security.
peace is here, because i believe in truth solid, like granite. faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. the things hoped for--happiness and peace with god--wrestle with the realities of fear, fear that what i hope for i will not receive.
faith teaches me the substance of my certain future. my hopes will be achieved, they will, they will. whatever is sent my way will be used as my servant, to joy unspeakable, full of glory, and a deeper intimacy with abba than i have ever known.
perhaps peace and rest is what i have mistaken for numbness; i do not know.
it is what it is. what will be will be.
god's will to me is all goodness,
for his love is boundless, deeper, wider than i know.
amen.