2016

We opened 2016 at New Year's Conference and I stood with Lauren, Kristin, Sara, Mary Beth and some others and Lauren smilingly remarked that this would be a big year for each of us. And of course, it was. Like that first night of the year, I have spent most of my time with college students, but even more of it perhaps with my new husband. I remember snow and more snow, Kristin's wedding, and then finally after an excruciating wait, I was standing in a hanger in North Carolina and a plane landed, a bus pulled up, and there he was--nearly blending in with the masses of exactly matching soldiers--but he was my solider and I felt so nervous and nearly sick until I was finally in his arms. We have barely been separated since. He didn't make me wait long once we were together, and under the mist of Rainbow Falls near the camp, he got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. If a moment can be perfect, that was one. We kissed as Dave and Emily cheered, and I jumped and danced while Kyle held me, so happy he could cry. We packed up the Nissan and drove north, finally melding our lives together.

One of my favorite nights of the year was a few days later, gathering around Shared Table with my closest friends. They shared words of encouragement and we felt truly surrounded by their faithful love. Being in the same city was experiencing life in a whole new wonderful way. Breakfasts together. Drives together. Walks and bikes together. Everything together, finally, even better than we spent a whole year waiting and dreaming for. I also started jury duty in March, two months of hearing cases about gun and drug crimes during my working hours. We started premarital, I went to T4G, Sara and Owen got married, we went to Nashville and I got my first taste of Kyle's roots. Soon after, we headed to New Hampshire, and Aunt Steph hugged me while she cried, and we all wished I could be meeting Grammy Burke, instead of mourning her loss. Joe and Nat got married in May, a hot, yet perfect day of rejoicing with our family. The summer (Summer of Love 2016!) was a blur of office work, time together, trips to SBP, and wedding planning. A highlight was the privilege of being with all my best girls in the Virginia mountains for a weekend of eating, talking, and hiking. I began to feel not only excited to begin a new season of life in marriage, but nostalgic and deeply thankful for a season of singleness where I was given the time and ability to develop rich friendships with so many godly and wise women.

August arrived, and with it, family arriving and excitement building. I'll never forget brunch at Tupelo Honey and sharing with each sister, friend, and mom what they have meant to me and all they have poured into my life through their love. Happy, happy tears. The tables were turned at our sweet rehearsal dinner--again, we felt unbelievably privileged to be known and loved by so many. We felt celebrated and underserving. That last night apart, I struggled to sleep. The waiting was almost over. Getting ready at a house with almost my entire family and many babies and all of my bridesmaids was definitely hectic, but unforgettable. Dad's joy, in seeing me, in walking me down the aisle ("I'm so proud of you!), at the reception, in his prayer and toast, in all of our shared moments, was incredible. Everyone was happy for us, but Dad was delighted. His joy only added to my own. And then at last, the door open, I heard Jesu, Joy begin to play and I stepped down the aisle to see Kyle's joy-filled face and my sisters tears. I remember lots of singing, almost nothing about the sermon, just wanting to get the vows over with--just wanting to be married. FINALLY! We kissed, we stood and looked out at those loving faces--and ran out together. The car ride, alone of course, out to Rockville were some of our happiest moments. "We're actually married!" Taking photos was pretty awful but everything else about the evening was perfect, even when the speakers died during the dancing. We just sang and clapped, and that was perfect, too. We danced alone to Old Pine and then the day was over and we were running to our car, driving to our hotel, and so began a happiness and joy I couldn't even have hoped for.

Our honeymoon was perfect. Resting, exploring, and experiencing everything for the first time led to constantly feeling like we could burst of joy. Even coming back home was exciting because it meant starting a life in a shared home. Our little basement apartment is tiny, and everything we need fits snugly inside. Resuming ministry on campus, starting seminary classes, and starting a new small group were some of the many transitions of the fall. We fell into new routines and learned how to live life together and love others together. We learned to work through the challenges our own sin brings to marriage, and I learned a whole lot more of just how sinful I really am.

I grew a lot in my ministry role, developing as a discipler and teacher, as well as a helper and friend. With limited availability, I learned to prioritize my time carefully, and experienced great joy in seeing a group of sophomores and juniors growing in Christ. Thanksgiving and Christmas with the McDonalds were wonderful, and yet crazy in the way that only eight kids under 4 can be. We shared some sweet meals with siblings, and it was a joy to share more of my past with Kyle.

This is the year "I" became "we." My entire life changed in a way it never has before in becoming one with Kyle. Even my name changed, an identity shift that was harder to handle than I expected. I learned that marriage is a choice to love sacrificially, admit fault, and choose to want to be changed. The surrender and humbling involved in following Kyle as he follows the Lord has not been easy, but as with most of marriage, has given me more tastes than ever of God's faithfulness, trustworthiness, and tremendous love for me. This year I learned more about trust, humility, gender roles, intentionality, forgiveness, my tendency to hold bitterness, and the special joy that follows repentance.