2013

It's easy to see what a blessed year this was.

Reflection

This was a serious year, a settling year. I became on my own this year in new, exhilarating, and hard ways. I've been brought to many places of being very alone with God and taught to embrace that whole-heartedly. This year there was a lot I could let go of and watch disappear behind me because of what I've come to know as true. In different seasons, I left the US, left comfort, left GW, left DC, left my friends, my church, and my F street home. And in each change, I have not been alone, I haven't, and I'm so thankful for that. I have learned so much about myself. I love physical touch and serving says "I love you" and "Come on in, let me feed you!" says "I care" and I love tidy and clean and vacuum cleaners. I love long, honest conversations and I recognize that I am a deep thinker, an active processor, a feeler, a truster. I long for commitment and servanthood and growth. I love to read John Piper and CS Lewis and draw in my journal big, colorful words, and I want to study truth in seminary and counsel women and disciple girls and share the love of Jesus to college students.

As always, God brought into my life exactly the relationships I needed this year. Sara and Amber and countless women in Moscow and Istanbul and Kelsey, Maggie, Kathryn, Stevie, Lauren, Kristin, Kelly, Joe, Paul, Scott, Emily, mom, my sisters, and many others pointed me to God's truth, hugged me, let me cry, counseled, laughed and cried with me. As loved as I have felt (and been) this year I needed that love in a different way. It doesn't fill me up and while I'm thankful for it, I so see that it is not ultimate. I grew in understanding of God's acceptance and love for me as the critical foundation on which to base my view of myself, rather than the approval of others. I learned abandon and excitement to the will of God, as he only intends good and kind gifts for me.

I accomplished a number of goals and had many spectacular moments in 2013. I went to the most magical inaugural ball with my dearest friends and spent spring break in a cabin then on the beach and made a new friend in Navarre who invited us to stay at his house with him, so we did. We went camping on a Virginia ridge which was warm in the sun but frigid by night and slept with 4-too-many-people in a tent. I experienced the challenges and absolute joys of seeking to share with younger women what has been given to me. With only a backpack, I moved to Moscow and without abandon fell in love with that city and those people. I experienced the magic of Istanbul and soaked up a week of sunsets and soul food on the Sea of Marmara. I traveled by cramped, sweaty train to St Petersburg on the craziest 24-hour trip of my life. I touched down in Poland, then Paris, and I didn't expect it to, but by bike, that city stunned me. As the sun set, we watched the Eiffel tower sparkle from the grassy mall, sipping something bubbly from the bottle and munching on baguettes and cheese. We ate belgium waffles in Belgium and explored a German castle and hiked French mountains and I lost my voice racing a luge down a hill. I found the most beautiful place on earth- Switzerland, where we dipped our toes in icy glacier melts and took a gondola right up a cliff face to behold miles of snow-tipped mountains. We danced in fountains in Milan and watched a man poop right on the side walk and got trapped in our hostel's front patio, but years of fence-scaling practice paid of. I traveled to Zurich alone and explored that city with Jesus. Sweet. I signed an apartment lease and paid rent and got my car, titled in my name, registered in DC. I  deepened relationships with sisters as we struggled through seasons of doubt, darkness, and fear. We practiced so much hospitality at the Ranch and I really believe that is one of my spiritual gifts. I prayed so-so much, and then I got to watch God answer each one in his own way and time, and he gave me peace to joyfully accepted a job with a four-year commitment. I finished my diploma requirements--officially finishing college. I moved again, this time back to Alabama and began the next challenge: support raising! This year I woke earlier, prayed more, wrested with disappointment and anxiety, came to truly love the church, taught English, visited 8 countries, shared the Gospel and survived in Russia, became an aunt three times over, walked in more communion with my Father, lost my Grandma, spent more time with my sweet family, and was blessed beyond measure with a true community at school. I lived in Russia, backpacked across Europe, got a job I can't wait to start, and graduated from the George Washington University. Praise God! I wouldn't repeat this year, but man, in it God was so good.