this morning i am terribly aware of my sin. i am discouraged. wretchedly humbled. shamed. disappointed. it is really painful. my sins are real and they really affect others and the people i love most can see them and are hurt by them and then i fear rejection and fear that i have ruined everything and start to fear that there is no hope for redemption.
first, the Gospel. but even when i hear it over and over, it is hard to accept. yes, i am a sinner, which is why he died. yes, God has forgiven me in Jesus! but my sanctification is so very slow! how can that be to God's glory?
but then, a glimpse of such hope-- God has a purpose in my shortcomings, weaknesses, propensity to certain failures, and sin! it does not escape his control, and it is certainly not outside of his grand and perfect purpose. i am here to be an encouragement to the body of Christ. and what if He is allowing me to wrestle with these sins so that one day i might encourage another sister who is in the depths of them herself? perhaps the humbling is just to remind me over and again my desperate need of a savior (which it has) and give me a bigger view of Jesus and the cross? i don't know all of his divine reasons for my continuous struggles with sin, but i can know for sure that he does know. he wastes nothing.
praying for a much deeper understanding in my heart of how the gospel gives me hope even when--especially when--i am the worst of sinners.
praying that i do not need to see all of God's purposes and reasons for my circumstances to by faith trust that he has them.
first, the Gospel. but even when i hear it over and over, it is hard to accept. yes, i am a sinner, which is why he died. yes, God has forgiven me in Jesus! but my sanctification is so very slow! how can that be to God's glory?
but then, a glimpse of such hope-- God has a purpose in my shortcomings, weaknesses, propensity to certain failures, and sin! it does not escape his control, and it is certainly not outside of his grand and perfect purpose. i am here to be an encouragement to the body of Christ. and what if He is allowing me to wrestle with these sins so that one day i might encourage another sister who is in the depths of them herself? perhaps the humbling is just to remind me over and again my desperate need of a savior (which it has) and give me a bigger view of Jesus and the cross? i don't know all of his divine reasons for my continuous struggles with sin, but i can know for sure that he does know. he wastes nothing.
praying for a much deeper understanding in my heart of how the gospel gives me hope even when--especially when--i am the worst of sinners.
praying that i do not need to see all of God's purposes and reasons for my circumstances to by faith trust that he has them.
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