truly this man was the son of god!

spent time in the crucifixion story (mark fourteen and fifteen) this morning. misty eyes and a broken, joyful, grateful heart.

from my journal:

jesus,
you dressed yourself in human flesh--for me.
you were mocked and hit and ridiculed--by me--for me. (that was me, among the soldiers)
you allowed nails to hold you up--for me.
you were forsaken and rejected by abba. dark of night. faced turned. ignored. unseen, unknown. forgotten by your father dad. for me.

 stomach churning, bloody sweat, heart exploding, head spinning, star-seeing PAIN.

for me?!

jesus, i am ruined by this passage. i can't believe an innocent man was treated in such a fantastically horrible way. at any moment, you could've stepped out. bowed out. swept them away in hurt and wrath. retreated back to Heaven, maybe done some magic tricks. i'm sure your flesh wanted to. did you strain against the urge to lash back? did you think, "is this human race really worth it?" you begged you father, please, is there any way to escape this pain? no, abba replied. it would be you, all along, it was always you.
you, coming for my heart and soul and i am not worthy, not capable, absolutely undeserving of your attention, much less your love.

daddy, how do i respond? what do you do when faced with this love, but collapse in overwhelmed thanksgiving?

so i submit, i want all of you to have all of me. no more half-sies. i want you to satisfy me body mind and soul. i love you and thats all i have to offer.