so it's march.

above the world on top of the anthropology building

i've now been sitting at this desk for six months. humans are good at adapting, and i am a good human. so you could say i have adjusted, and [finally] adjusted well. adjusted happily.

well my windows are both open, open as wide as they'll go. but the goosebumps creeping up my arm facing the window remind me we aren't as close to summer as i want to pretend. but this brilliant weather i just can't get over. every time (and i do mean every time) i walk outside, i wish i could use wordy dirds because i keep getting this intense urge to scream, eff you winter! spring is HERE! the haters keep telling me it isn't, but i don't listen.

so, spring. it's God's favorite way of rescuing me, every winter. i don't do winter. i don't do cold. this winter was no different. it had some beautiful moments, but january especially was wretched. death and january are so intimately tied together in my mind. and every year it lives up to the expectations. so the pain. the loss. the isolation and the lonely. so very torn, so lost, pressed down by fear.

but he has never ever, ever, left me alone for long. and he came back for me. and sent some sunshine. and i sat on a rooftop and then the world quit spinning, for just a moment. i shredded my heavy protection and lay bare, and joy. it grew up again.

this is my story every spring, and thats okay. if winter is my personal wilderness, spring is my reawakening. gwu is good for me, now. for right now. here, i've found a love and warmth and home, so how could i complain? staying too busy to breathe, much less be alone, helps. time is flying madly on, and thats okay, too.

spring break (home, sun, florida, bestfriends, hugs, hikes, and popcorn surprise) is seven days away. i'll be home again, home again jiggety jig without ever having been able to miss it.

that. is progress.