some days.

these are days.

i sit and chew pumpkin bread and sip a latte

and watch the drizzle come down

i sit here cause i couldnt sit at my desk

at my desk in my room

in that room where

i cant stop crying

and sometimes i cant write anymore

so i put my face in my book on

why muslim women wear veils

and cry it out

and in between my arms on my desk

and the cover of that book

my cries sound so loud

and maybe way louder than they really are

and even when tears are falling to my chest

surrounded by all these people

and i pray they dont notice

and i dont even remeber where the tears are coming from anyway

and these are the days

to fight for what i know

that joy is a choice

and that it's closer than i realize

that some day, the tears will go away

they will pack up and say goodbye

but until then

my boiling emotions

my loneliness and aloneness

my decisions that caught up to me

my being right here, right now

well, we'll learn to get along.

and i will find some answers

and some keys to all these locks.

from my journal; september 16th, 2010