contradictions

contradictions

this is home
finally where i belong
yet it isn’t
not in any way

i am so deliciously happy
contented and full
yet im filling with sad
tearing into so many little pieces

i want to stay
this is all i know
i am loved
thats all i need
here, i can laugh all i want
and she and him, they make me laugh
i can giggle and burst out and lose it
i can sound like a seal or a horse
they do too
so can i please stay.
you cant find real laughers just anywhere

it’s them.
all these beautiful people
even the ones i never thought i’d miss
they know me; yet love me
love is home
they are home
and leaving home is hard

in all of this, i am terribly thrilled
the biggest changes of my short life
are right behind the next bend
so excited.
been excited for these moments
since i was 12
waiting for my real life to begin
for oh so long
today my real life is happening
it already began
i am here, now.
living- so rough and daring and stunning.
magical
happening, now